10071 Addiction

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom. — Edgar Allan Poe

About addiction, Wikipedia sayeth . . .

Historically, addiction has been defined as physical and/or psychological dependence on psychoactive substances (for example alcohol, tobacco, heroin, caffeine and other drugs) which cross the blood-brain barrier once ingested, temporarily altering the chemical milieu of the brain. Broadly, addiction is defined as the continued use of a mood altering addictive substance or behaviours despite adverse consequences. Some defining characteristics of addiction include impaired control over the substance/behaviour, preoccupation with the substance/behaviour, continued use despite consequences, and denial.

Addiction can be viewed as a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it. Pleasure, enjoyment or relief from actual or perceived ailments would have originally been sought; however, over a period of time involvement with the substance or activity is needed to feel normal. Some psychology professionals and many lay people now mean 'addiction' to include abnormal psychological dependency on such things as gambling, video games, food, sex, pornography, computers, internet, work, exercise, adrenaline, idolizing, watching TV or certain types of non-pornographic videos, spiritual obsession, self-injury and shopping.

I am an addict.

When I was 16 years old, I started stealing cigarettes from my father, Winstons was the brand. I can still sing the Winstons advertising jingle from the days when cigs could be advertised on television and radio.

I smoked for decades. At the end of my active smoking days, I smoked two packs of cigarettes every day. When I smoked, cigarettes were important to me. I would borrow money to buy cigarettes if I was broke. Cigs were more important than food.

I paid no attention to the consequences of cigarette smoking. I didn’t care about the smell, the effect on my lungs, the impacts on others, or the cost. I thought of cigarettes as my friend. Cigarettes had been with me, through good times and bad, for decades.

I would have to call that relationship at best abusive. It wasn’t something I did “for myself,” it was something I did “to myself.”

Eventually I started trying to quit. After a day or so of quitting, I would feel miserable, but proud of the fact that I hadn’t smoked for a day. I would decide to “reward” myself with “Just One Cigarette.” The next day, I would be doing so good that I would need two rewards, one in the morning, and one in the evening. On the third day, my thinking was that it wouldn’t really do any harm to have five reward cigarettes — one in the morning and the evening, and one after each meal.

The cycle would begin all over again.

Within a few days, I would be back to two packs/day.

I was not able to finally quit smoking until I realized that I was in fact addicted to cigarettes. It wasn’t just a bad habit I had picked up along the way. It wasn't just a behavior problem. I was psychologically and physically dependent upon regular hits of nicotine.

Once I understood that, I came to believe that I could no longer smoke Just One Cigarette. The whole Just One Cigarette schtick is a delusion I told myself to avoid the facts. I know just as surely as I know that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west that if I ever smoke Just One Cigarette, I voluntarily choose to go back to two packs of cigs/day.

Breaking out of the daily regular use of cigarettes was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Even though I remain an addict, I never have to go through the misery of quitting smoking again — as long as I don’t smoke Just One Cigarette. My motto is NOPE! Not One Puff Ever!

The other good news is that I don’t spend my days in misery because I don’t smoke cigarettes. The first week was hell, the first month less so. Now I don’t experience daily urges to smoke and I live my life without needing cigarettes.

I do what the non-smokers do. I don’t smoke.

Every addiction story, whatever the focus of the addiction, will be somewhat similar to this. The focus of the addiction becomes primary in a person’s life. The addict ignores the negative consequences. Quitting is hard, sometimes brutal, but gives great benefits.

Inventory your health and determine if you have addictions. Take care of them sooner rather than later, and you will be more healthy.

Seek a community of support to help break your habit. The best known communal system for alcoholism is Alcoholics Anonymous, whose 12 Step system has been adapted for use by groups treating many other addictions. There aren’t as many quit smoking groups that meet in person. You can find a tremendous amount of help on the internet. One of the best portals is the About.com Smoking Cessation pages at http://quitsmoking.about.com/. I used that site extensively when I quite smoking.